Sunday, January 29, 2017

A day

A day doesn't go by that I don't think about you. A day doesn't go by that I don't think about what my children are missing. A day doesn't go by that I don't think about how you would react to the new milestones my children reach every day. A day doesn't go by that I don't think that maybe I could have let some things go and just enjoy the things we did have in common. These are the things on my mind two years after you were taken from us. 

Thursday, March 17, 2016

It's Coming

Spring, that is. 

It seems we are being blessed with an early Spring and I couldn't be happier. The last two winter previous to this one have been so long and so brutal, that I wasn't ready to face it again. 

This morning I ran up to Swords, and paused by the marsh. Even though it's still locked in ice, it is alive with sounds. Red winged blackbirds,  geese,  and the sound of the ice breaking and cracking filled the air. 

Soon, with a rise in temperature, that same air will be filled with the sound of spring peepers. 

I love early spring. Hope, anticipation and so many beautiful things to come.


Friday, February 26, 2016

The Cashew

So, you think you're doing pretty good. You think, wow. So lucky am I to have perfectly average kids with no issues. 

And then your world gets turned on its head. 

Both of my kids have had peanuts and almonds and granola bars and Thai food and mixed nuts.


I suppose Henry had never actually consumed a cashew. 

Both kids had a small bowl of trail mix (raisins, cranberries, peanuts and cashews) after dinner on Tuesday.  I was watching Clare eat. She held up a cashew and said, "wat dat?"  

At that moment, I thought, wait. She's never had a cashew this okay?

Simultaneously, in the kitchen, Henry had also ingested a cashew. Told Rick something was wrong and immediately started to throw up everything he has ever eaten.   His face started swelling. Red cheeks. Blisters on his lips. 

Into the car for the fastest drive to town I've ever piloted.  

When we arrived at emergency we were ushered in immediately. Two shots of epinephrine, IV of two antihistamines and an oral steroid finally got Henry back to being Henry. 

I never thought I'd be a parent of a child with anaphylaxis, but here we are. The ER nurses kept commenting on how calm I was. 

There are two reasons for that. 

One: it is what it is. I knew what it was as soon as he started throwing up. It's manageable. I've worked with many kids with it. It's fine. 

Two: as I was driving in, I felt frantic. I asked my mom to be with me. I said, "mom, I need you here now". As a nurse, she was the ultimate calm in medical emergencies. She was with me. 

So. Henry is anaphylactic to some nuts. We go on. 

Thursday, January 28, 2016


Tomorrow is a day I will never forget. 

January 29. 

I will never forget where I was and what I was doing when my sister called me to tell me that my mom had died in a car accident. I heard the news sitting on Henry's bed. 

I remember strange details vividly. What boots I wore outside to tell Rick. I could not find my winter boots and threw on my rain boots, walking out in the snow with no coat. Nothing. 

After, other calls were made and received in absolute shock. I didn't crash until the day after. Spending the day in my pajamas, sobbing, and taking phone calls and visitors. I am so grateful to those who visited me and called me that day. 

So. Tomorrow. Tomorrow I will remember, as I do every day. But tomorrow especially. Tomorrow I will visit my mom, and spend time with two of my three siblings. 

Tomorrow I have also planned some enjoyable things to do for myself. My mom would not want me wallowing. She would want me to enjoy my life, and do things that she would also enjoy. 

Tomorrow is a day to remember. 

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Green and Brown

The woods felt exactly like late March today.  Damp and mild, the air was thick with mist in some spots.  Rocks and fallen logs were slick and the moss and ferns were still vibrant green.  The creeks and streams were high, full of run off from all of the rain we have been getting lately.

I walked through the marsh, and up through the woods and rocks, to the top of the rocky hill that overlooks the marsh.   I saw plenty of evidence of animal activity, paths through the leaves, and places where logs had been rubbed bar and branches broken.

As I made my way back down the hillside, I could hear the water from the stream rushing.  I came to it and made my way along it, moving toward the first beaver pond.  The beaver pond is not a pond any more, since the dam is no longer there.  It`s a small valley, surrounded on all sides by steep high banks with a stream running through it.

It`s quiet here and one of my favourite places to visit - probably the place I escape to most.  As I walked back out through the trees and across the fields the fog came in heavier.  I could feel water droplets settling on my eyelashes.  I needed the walk today - a quiet time before the flurry of activity and excitement that Christmas brings.

Saturday, December 19, 2015

Making Ice

As I mentioned in a previous post, this time last year the ice was in and here to stay.  The season has been so mild that we are still pretty far away from "ice in".  The lake is cold, though, and ready.  All it takes is a few hours of below zero temperatures for the ice to start forming.  Below is a picture of a calmer area near the shore where you can see thin patches of ice forming on top of the water.  This thin ice moves with the water, wind and currents and if the lake gets too rough, it will dissipate once again.  

Smaller ponds and marshes were frozen this morning.  The photo below is of the marsh below Swords.  Winter is trying to take hold, and may this weekend with snow and colder temperatures in the forecast.  Come Monday, it will all go away again, there are more mild, rainy days on the way.

Monday, December 14, 2015

Just a Little Bit Easier

A few weeks ago we had some lovely snow and I thought it was the beginning of a white Christmas season.  It has however, been raining ever since.  I love snow for Christmas, but I just can't complain about this.  The last two winters were so brutal, so cold and snowy, that I really feel like I can't handle another winter just yet.

It has been raining most days, with temperatures ranging from just above zero to ten degrees Celsius.  One again, I'm not complaining.  I am enjoying this extended fall weather.  It is easier to do things outside, go places and to keep the house warm.

This time last year we had a frozen lake and two feet of snow,  We did experience a thaw right around Christmas, but winter came back with a vengeance in January.

While I have grown to love snow since moving here, and will miss a sparking white Christmas morning, the mystery and loveliness snow adds to Christmas Eve, and all the winter activities that we enjoy so much, if the trade off is an easier winter season...well, I'll take it, but just for this year.