What to do When Your Kid Poops the Tub

Alternate Title -

I Don't Remember Buying Any Lincoln Logs...waaait a minute...

Step 1 - Do not panic. 
This will be your natural inclination because you just saw a giant log of poo float past your kid and last you checked, you still resided in the first world.  Plus, totally losing it will probably instill a lifelong fear of pooping in your child.  That's just bad news for everyone.  You have to pay for that therapy, you know.

Step 2 - Remove child from the water which has now become a bio-hazard.
Wrap the poor little dude in a towel and put him on a bath mat.  This may result in whining and/or crying as he is missing out on precious "ba" time.

Step 3 - Drain the tub.
Do I need to explain why retrieving the poop whilst it is floating is a bad idea?

Step 4 - Call for back up.
Be sure to shout "emergency" and "Lysol" while doing this.  If your husband is anything like mine (love you!) then he needs to hear these things in order to know it's serious and to get a move on.

Step 5 - Poop removal.
That tub is drained by now - let's get that poop out!  But wait.  Your husband wants to take a picture.  Of course he does.  Seriously? Moving on...Bunch 5 - 10 tissues up in your hand and grab the log.  Flush that sucker.

Step 6 - Sanitize.
Use the Lysol to wash everything.  And I mean EVERYTHING.  The entire inside of the tub has been poopified, plus alll the bath toys.  Rinse the tub and toys with very hot water.  Run all the towels and mats that have touched the poopy child down to the laundry room and start the wash.  Give your kid a quick once over with some wipes.

Step 7 - Resume regularly scheduled bath time.
Refill the tub, put the kid in, and scrub him within an inch of his life.

Step 8 - Drink wine.
Again, do I need to explain why this is the next logical step?


This may or may not be based on a true story.

How to Feel Like a Pioneer Girl in Five Easy Steps

1.  Move to an old house on a lakefront in the middle of a forest.  It helps if you are seven weeks post-partum and aren't planning on working outside the home.


2.  Do zero in the way of upgrades to said house.  Watch the icicles form along the eaves and feel the cool breeze from your crappy windows.

3.  Start relying on a wood stove to partially heat your home.  You also have an oil furnace, but the wood stove helps take the edge off.  Plus oil is brutally expensive, and since most of the heat is escaping from the roof anyway (see #2), you'll need the wood stove.

4.  Have your husband go away for business for an extended period of time to a fun, big city and get to do fun, exciting things.  Like see other humans.


5.  Start hauling wood inside because it's freaking cold.  Viola! You're a pioneer! 

Stay tuned for other posts in this series - "Things I Shouldn't Have to Do"